Meet the Jabowskis
Meet the Jabowskis is the sixth episode of Paradise PD. Synopsis Gina doesn't remember anything from before she was 20, on account of a bullet being lodged in her brain. Meanwhile, Fitz and Bullet fake sick, to skip out on work. Plot Gina takes Dusty to Possum Pizza so she can fatten him up with junk food. Randall shows up to scold Gina for running over a jaywalker earlier that day and Gina unsympathetically apologizes, saying that she won't overreact to people committing minor felonies anymore, only to immediately beat the holy shit out of a Nun for putting sprite in a water cup. The Possum Pizza Mascot tries to calm her down but Gina kills him and later destroys the robotic jug band, which leads to everyone's good time getting ruined. Paradise P.D. stages an intervention for Gina, telling her that she has to stop being so crazy. Fitz runs some psychological tests on Gina to find out what's wrong with her. Gina says that "just like everyone else", she doesn't have any memories of before she was 21, aside from brief flashbacks to her screaming nightmares. Fitz diagnoses her with BBCD (Bitch Be Crazy Disease) because it's not normal for her to remember her childhood. Gina thought it was normal to not remember her childhood, just like it's normal to have an anus in the back of her head, otherwise known as a "brainus". It becomes clear at this point that Gina is really fucked up and she needs some serious medical attention. Gina goes to Paradise Hospital to get some help from Dr. Fudlicker, who also diagnoses her with BBCD. He says that the reason for that is because she has a bullet lodged in her brain. Gina doesn't remember getting shot in the head, but her medical files provide some insight into the childhood she doesn't remember. According to the files, Gina was washed up on shore when she was 10 years old, she spent 11 years after that, in a coma, which meant that she didn't wake up until she was 21, which is why she doesn't remember anything before that. There is no evidence of who shot Gina. The only other info about what happened back then was a picture of Gina when she was a little girl, on a farm. On the back of the picture, it says "Bumfuque". Gina uses this one bit of evidence to track down, where she came from. Gina looks up "Bumfuque" on the internet and finds General Bumfuqué, an African warlord, known for his love of killing little girls. Gina asks for time off to find General Bumfuqué, but Randall declines because she's their best officer and if she wasn't around, nobody would take the police department seriously, and therefore, crime would be out of control. Gina decides to quit her job, as fixing herself is more important than her job and Randall quickly goes into a panic. Randall puts a blonde wig on a Hooker so that she looks like Gina and tells Kevin to drive around town with her so people will still think Gina's in town. As Gina leaves, Fitz and Bullet decide it's too dangerous to go to work, without any competent people doing all the real work for them, so they both call in sick to skip work. Fitz and Bullet call Randall and give him detailed descriptions about how much diarrhea they're having, which grosses him out and totally works. Dusty goes to a crappy old crackhouse and finds Robby and Delbert there, smoking crack, killing hookers, and trading sex slaves. Dusty sings them an inspirational song to make them stop doing illegal things. Robby and Delbert pretend to be swayed by Dusty's motivational music and send him away. The second Dusty leaves, they go right back to doing drugs again. Kevin drives around town with the hooker dressed as Gina and all the criminals in town buy the disguise and straighten up when they see her. Things go great until the hooker suddenly dies. Fitz and Bullet go for a nice little drive around the mountains on the outskirts of town, enjoying their day off. Bullet notices a guy in a Tesla sucking his own dick. The guy crashes his car and dies. Bullet and Fitz observe the scene and find a case full of money in his trunk. Bullet and Fitz get the idea to steal the money for themselves. Gina travels to Africa to look for General Bumfuqué. She kills tons of his African tribesmen and holds General Bumfuqué at gunpoint, asking him why he shot her as a litte girl. General Bumfuqué notices that Gina is mistaken and laughs, telling her that she's gotten it all wrong. He points out that there's no accent over the "e" in "Bumfuque", which means that it doesn't say "Bum-Foo-Kay" as in his name, it says "Bum-Fuck", as in the podunk town, right next to Paradise. Gina realizes this silly misunderstanding and so she spares the life of General Bumfuqué to go to Bumfuque to see who really shot her. Gina goes to Bumfique and goes to the old farmhouse that was seen in the background of the picture. When she gets the door, it's answered by a woman, who turns out to be Gina's biological mother, Mrs. Jabowski, meaning that Gina just found her real family and went to her old house. Mrs. Jabowski announces Gina's return and the rest of the Jabowski family runs up to the front porch, excited to see her again. Gina is still confused about who they all are, until Mr. Jabowski tells her that they're her long lost family. Just then, an African Warlord comes in to get revenge on the town of Bumfuque, having a similar backstory to Gina. Gina helps her notice her mistake, saying that because there's an accent over the "e" on her picture, it's actually the name of General Bumfuqué, from the next village over. The African Warlord has the same reaction Gina had when she wound up making the same misunderstanding in the same situation. Gina and the rest of The Jabowski family have a nice little reunion. Mrs. Jabowski says that Gina's return is the best thing that's happened since Cooter, the long lost brother of Gina, stopped shoving crayons up his nose. Gina asked who shot her in the head as a kid. Gina's other brother Bo rambled incoherently and Gina's grandmother, Granny says that Bo is right about what he said. They do not talk about the dark day that happened. Gina asks why nobody looked for her and her dad said they thought she had died. Gina says that because they don't have the information on who shot her, she has no need for them anymore and gets ready to leave. Bo interjects and Mr. Jabpowski agrees, saying that she can't leave without them first having a family reunion for her. To celebrate Gina's glorious and long-awaited return, Mr. Jabowski holds a family game night called "The Jabowskolympics", where he makes Gina the guest of honor. The first game they play is tazer tag, where Gina tazes Granny to death and then revives her. The next game is flame-fisted boxing, where Gina punches Bo right in the face, knocking his brain back into place and making his capable of talking normal, only for her to follow this with punching him again and turning him back into the empty-headed nonsense-speaker he was before. The final challenge is getting into a wrestling match with a bear. Mr. Jabowski gives the bear a chainsaw to make the match evener. Gina still wins, killing the bear to a rug and winning the gold medal of The Jabowskolympics. Gina hugs her dad, happy to finally be back at home again. Fitz and Bullet check into the Super Seedy Motel to hide out with the money. They come up with the lie that they're gay business, looking for a place to fuck. Randall gives Kevin a call about the crack-smoking rednecks, Robby and Delbert, tormenting Dusty and tells him that he needs him to take Hooker Gina to stop them. Kevin is afraid of how he'll be able to stop them now that Hooker Gina is dead. He goes to the trash bin, where he previously discarded her corpse, but can't find her among the pile of other discarded corpses. Hobo Cop crawls out of the pile of corpses and tells Kevin that there's a total of 57 dead bodies in there and offers to help Kevin find Hooker Gina. In the Super Seedy Motel, Fitz and Bullet celebrate having $100,000. Bullet tells Fitz that with that money, he can pay a therapist to cure his mental problems. Fitz dismisses this and says that he'd rather buy a blimp to fly to Pussyland. Bullet says that he'll buy a Tesla but accidentally lets it slip that if Fitz leaves him unattended, he will run off with the money, so Fitz stands guard of him and Bullet forces him to watch him licking his own crotch. At the crackhouse, Robby and Delbert bring home a bunch of stolen stuff from a house that Dusty let them get away with. They brought in a flat-screen TV and a box of crystal buttplugs. Just then, "Hooker Gina" comes in to stop them. Hooker Gina is really just the corpse of Hooker Gina tied to puppet strings, being manipulated by Kevin. The ruse works at first but when Kevin tries to make Hooker Gina pull out a gun, he makes her drop the gun on the floor, causing it to go off, sending the bullet flying into a metal wall, where it bounces back and shoots the strings of the puppet, and sending Hooker Gina dropping down the stairs, which gives Robby and Delbert the impression that she's dead. This means that Robby and Delbert can start causing crime again and not worry about Gina, which is the equivalent of how bad this would be if they found out Gina had quit her job. Mr. Jabowski and Gina drink some beers on the roof of the house at sunset and Mr. Jabowski tells Gina that when she was younger, she used to act like a stereotypical girly girl and she never really fit in before she came here. Gina said that she never fit in with her adult friends because she was too violent. Mr. Jabowski says that her friends sound like a bunch of pussies and it's a shame she'll be going back to them so soon but Gina tells him that she's not going back. She's staying at home forever, much to her father's delight. The Jabowski Family celebrates Gina's return by robbin a liquor store. Gina is hesitant to do this because it's illegal but her parents tell her that it was a cop that shot her when she was a little girl, so she shouldn't respect the law. Gina decides to become a criminal and spins the Wheel of Handicaps to give the store owner a fighting chance before robbing his store. She lands on being covered in vaseline and slides across the store, covered in vaseline, and crashes into a stack of beer bottles. After 24 hours without eating or sleeping, Fitz starts to go crazy. Bullet does nothing but make fun of him, poison his water, shit in a bucket, and call him a pussy. Fitz finally snaps and punches Bullet in the jaw, prompting a huge fight. From the outside of the hotel room, the comments they make while fighting, sound sexual out of context. Robby, Delbert, and a bunch of other coked-up rednecks clean out the entire evidence locker of Paradise P.D. and Dusty just lets them do it as usual. Randall comes in and scolds him for it. Dusty tries to sing him a retarded song about friendship, but Randall just pushes him to the ground and screams at Robby. However, Robby doesn't feel the need to listen to Randall anymore, so he and Delbert kick him out of the building and lock him outside. Randall pounds on the door, screeching to be let back in and Hopson tells him that if he wants to come back in he's gunna have to kiss his dick. Hopson sticks his dick through the mail slot and Randall kisses his dick. Hopson laughs at him because this was just a trick and Randall just get pissed off. Bullet and Fitz continue to battle it out as Bullet throws a bunch of beer bottles at Fitz. Bullet feels the need to drink one of the beers, distracting him long enough for Fitz to stuff his mouth full of a semen-drenched motel coverer. Bullet grabs the TV from behind him and slams it on Fitz's head, knocking him out cold. Bullet takes off with the money but not before going back to rob Fitz of his wallet as well. Randall tries to get back into Paradise Police Department by squeezing through Bullet's doggy door, but he's so fat he gets stuck. Robby and Delbert see him and tattoo his face and shave his head to give him a mohawk. The Jabowski Family robs the First National Bank in disguise as Louie C.K. Although initially giddy to pull off the heist, Gina stops in her tracks when she sees that this bank is part of Paradise. Gina can't tell them that she's a cop, so she can't make up an excuse not to rob them, so they break-in. Meanwhile, inside of the bank, Bullet tries to cash in the hundred thousand dollar briefcase before Fitz comes back and attacks him. Their fight is soon broken up when The Jabowskis come in to rob both of them. The alarm goes off at Paradise P.D. alerting them about the robbery. Randall tells Hopson and Dusty about this and they run out to stop them, slamming his face against the wall. Dusty and Hopson go to the bank to stop the robbers while Fitz and Bullet get ready for business. Mr. Jabowski gets ready to shoot them but Gina stops him, admitting that she's a cop. Mr. Jabowski tells her that she needs to make a decision. Either be a cop or a Jabowski. Randall finally busts in and when he does Mr. Jabowski recognizes him as the one who shot Gina when she was a little girl. Randall is mind-blown to hear that the little girl he shot many years back was Gina and admits that it's true. Disappointed and pissed off, Gina prepares to blow Randall's brains out. Randall desperately tries to trigger a flashback to save his life, by talking in an echo. This causes Gina to have the first clear memory of before she was 21, since her mind-numbing coma. In the flashback, a much younger Jabowski Family is driving on a speedboat on the run from the police, while Gina's little girl self makes a scrapbook. The cop is none other than Randall and he shoots the runaway family. Mr. Jabowski blocks the bullet with Gina, leading to her getting pistoled in the back of the head. Mr. Jabowski throws her presumably deceased daughter overboard, saying that he doesn't mind her death, since they can always just "make another daughter". Gina's flashback washes her over with a wave of clarity and so she learns that Randall is not the one she should be mad at. It's her father. Gina turns around and points the gun at her dad, damning him for using her as a human shield. Mr. Jabowski promises that he'll never do such a thing again. Unconvinced, Gina shoots him and Mr. Jabowski grabs Cooter and uses him as a human sheild. Mr. Jabowski makes a run for it and uses Bo, Mrs. Jabowski, Baby Jabowski, and Cooter again as human sheilds, on his way to escape the bank. The Jabowski family flees the scene of the crime and Mr. Jabowski takes the briefcase and escapes. Bullet gets pissed off now that he got his comeuppance for stealing that money and hurting his friend over it. Gina admits defeat and Randall apologized for shooting her, to which Gina replies with a reasonable expression of forgiveness, saying that not only was it in no way, shape, or form his fault, but that experience is what turned her into the hardened dick-stomping cop she is today. Randall asks if she'll come back to the police force and of course, she accepts. At Paradise P.D., Robby and Delbert have lots of fun, knowing they've taken the place over. Gina comes in and locks the door and beats the living shit out of them. She shoves Delbert's head up Robby's ass and defenestrates them. Emasculated, Robby nervously apologizes. Randall thanks Fitz and Bullet for coming back from their break to help them at the bank. However, Kevin comes in with the Super Seedy Motel owner and says that a dog and a black guy trashed his building while having sex. The motel owner points out Bullet and Fitz and Randall gets ready to let them have it but Bullet and Fitz cover this up with the lie that they were actually having gay sex. Randall says that it's completely understandable that they should take a break to have a gay-off and they get off scot-free with their crimes, more or less. Randall tries to go back into the building but once again, he is locked out by Hopson, who one again, makes him kiss his dick. Characters Major Roles *Kevin Crawford *Randall Crawford *Bullet *Gina Jabowski *Dusty Marlowe *Gerald Fitzgerald *Stanley Hopson *Hooker *Mrs. Jabowski *Cooter Jabowski *Mr. Jabowski *Bo Jabowski *Granny Jabowski *Baby Jabowski Minor Roles *Nun *Possum Pizza Mascot *Ted *Dr. Fudlicker *Robby *Delbert *Elon Musk *General Bumfuqué *African Warlord *Hobo Cop Trivia *Chief Crawford recognizes Gina as his best cop. *Out of all the cops, Fitz has had the most hours of therapy, on account of his PTSD recovery. *Gina doesn't have any memories before the age of 21, except for brief flashes of her screaming nightmares. This is because when she was a little girl, her father was on the run from a gun firing cop and he used her as a shield, getting a bullet lodged in her head and shortly afterwards, abandoning her. The side effects of this bullet are recognized as BBCD (Bitch Be Crazy Disease). *Gina has a "brainus", which is an anus on the back of her head, leading to her brain. **It's possible this "brainus" is the hole, caused by the bullet, that was shot into her head. Either that, or the tunnel that the bullet went through, giving it access to her brain. *Stanley has a habit of sneaking into the break room and fucking the apple fritters. *Dr. Fudlicker used to have an obese husband, but he left him, on account of his BBCD. *Gerald is triggered by people calling him a "pussy". *Time moves faster for Bullet, because of "dog years". *A guy died, while sucking his own dick and Fitz joked, "He came and went at the same time." This exact joke was used before in the episode "Ass on the Line". *Gina has an life-sized bronze erotic statue of Dusty in her house. *Gina's long-lost family, The Jabowskis, are a hillbilly family of criminals, who live in the town of Bumfuque, which is two towns over from Paradise. *Fitz says that with the $100,000, he'll be able to buy a blimp and fly to "Pussyland". This fictional world must be a recurring thing with him, as it appears later in the episode "Parent Trap". *Gina used to be a regular girly girl, when she was little. She played with dolls and had tea parties. This greatly contrasts her current disposition as a grizzly, violent tomboy. *This is the only episode without Karen. Cultural References *Randall lies about a crook stealing from Piggly Wiggly. *Randall tells Gina, that he can't allow her to "Hakuna Matata" all over Africa. This is a reference to a repeated phrase from the African-set movie, "The Lion King". *Fitz and Bullet compare their diarrhea-spewing assholes to a bunch of funny things. Most of them involve cultural references. **Fitz says his ass looks like the Fountains of Bellagio, filled with mushroom gravy. **Bullet says he looks like he sat on an M80 explosive made of shit. **Fitz says it looks like Gary Coleman joined ISIS and blew himself up inside of his anus. **Bullet says it looks like the Carvel mascot, Fudgie the Whale gave him anal. **Bullet says it seems like he's urinating Yoohoo chocolate milk through his anus. **Bullet says it looks like a Kenny Loggins scat party. *All Tesla drivers, including Elon Musk himself, are portrayed as people who suck their own dicks. *Fitz and Bullet's side plot, where they fight over a hundred grand briefcase is similar to the plot of "It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World". *Mr. Jabowski refers Peter Dinklage's scrotum, as being very low-hanging. *The Jabowski Family eats Slim Jims in hot dog buns. *The Jabowskolympis are a parody on The Olympics. *Taser Tag is a parody on Laser Tag. *Gina refers to the Chainsaw Bear as "Yogi", in reference to the cartoon, Yogi Bear. *Bullet shits into a bucket of ice and says he's been giving it a real challenge. This is a reference to the once popular meme, The Ice Bucket Challenge. *Bullet finds a Fig Newton and gives it to Fitz as a peace offering. *The Jabowski Family robs a bank, wearing Louie C.K. masks, because it will make the women in there feel uncomfortable, on account of Louie's history with raping women. Category:Episodes